Life

Came upon this write up in a newspaper. How simple and how true, I really loved this.


What’s so romantic about growing old with someone?
When does old begin?
With the first sachet of hair dye?
Or when you start cutting down the sugar?
For that matter when does young end?
You know, it won’t ever.
Not when your eyes meet across a crowded room,
And the magic remains the same as the moment you met.

Celebrate life!

Names

“What’s in a name?” said Shakespeare. Well frankly speaking in today’s world where a number of things are contact based, I would say everything. But then why am I blessed with this amazing characteristic to forget them?

I meet a so and so and we get on very well. We exchange names and a lot more info that may prove useful. Blimey! It does in most cases and I for one, quite happily forget the name by the end of our first meeting. Sometimes, well this is that rare case when I manage to listen to the name, I remember the person’s name even when I bid them adieu. You have no idea how nice I feel about myself on such occasions. But, the horror of this names and remembering them comes when you bump into this individual somewhere and they come to me beaming all the way. All the while I have this most nagging feeling of, ‘I have seen this face and this face is so so familiar’. And there on starts the eternal search for the links that might help me remember who this person is and where did I meet him/her. Let’s assume I do manage to remember that, well I can do that 95% of the time, I invariably am clueless about their name. Adding insult to injury is the fact when the other person remembers what’s my name and where did we meet.

There are very few people on this planet whose names I have remembered without much ado. The reason can vary from a great liking to abhorrence. So people who do manage to swing my emotions and manage to create some strong impression are the lucky ones. One should not be judged based on a single meeting, say some, but then if it helps me remember, then I guess it sounds better. At least I can avoid the highly embarrassing situation where the other person comes to me and starts talking as long lost friends and uses my name in every alternate line. There are times when I conveniently blamed it on my memory. The actual reason presumably would be that trivialities are ignored by some of my clan. No offense made to anyone, but then I love Shakespeare and go by a lot he said. :-)

Impossible relationships!

“My gift to impossible relationships…” says Richard Gere in Pretty Woman and gives the money agreed upon. I have lost count of how many times I have watched this movie. It keeps me mesmerized every time I see and every time I do, I come across another nuance of the relationship that the central characters share. Call it an obsession but then all said and done I probably enjoy it so much may be because I can relate to it in some ways. How many times have we wondered about the way relationships take a turn? I suppose every time one touches that discordant chord. For sure this does happen quite a number of times.

I have lost my appetite over them. I have lost my peace of mind over them. Can’t imagine such things happening to me. These seem so alien, I mean why would you want to spoil your health and most importantly mess your mental state because someone you have come across and have started liking and eventually loving to an extent that the above mentioned things seem trivial. I am selfish and arrogant and still am capable of such feelings! Agreed am not some robot, who lacks feelings, but still this quandary beats me. The rationale tells you its pure stupidity but then your heart contradicts it with vehemence. So what should the poor being do? Follow your mind and try to tell yourself that its ok, these kinda things are not for me and are practically impossible or follow your heart and hence pursue the feelings… and in some extreme cases may pursue the interest that has caused this. :-)

Impossible relationships… the phrase seems more than apt. Just makes me say, “Can’t live with it and can’t live without it.”

Having said this, I want you to express your views. Not to present a solution, because that seems a stupidity to ask, but a point of view, a perspective.

Memories

Memories, memories and more of them. Sometimes one is left with nothing but them. One cannot touch or change or mar them. Instances of the past those remain frozen in spite of the changes occurring all along. How marvelous are some and also are some causing the pain that one never wished would have been through. But then, what is the fun having just good memories? Personally, the trying ones tend to linger longer. It definitely puts a person’s perspective into picture. How would you take it? Learn from it and tackle it or run away from it for the rest of your life? The latter somehow seems easier, though the former is called a best practice. By whom? Well the people in gen. Or more aptly the people who do not wish an individual to get bogged down by them in future. Those people who care for that individual.

The irony remains that at times one doesn’t even want to forget those memories. Tend to cling on to them. I really wonder why. Does this give them a reason to sympathize with what happened to them and then point out the plausible reasons? Kind of self-pity. Or do these memories just happen to recur when one comes in contact with some Memory from the past that links to the main incident? In the process of clearing that old closet did you accidentally dust the dust off those things, which were meant to be dead and bygone?

Reasons could be many, but a Memory does remain yet another fascinating facet of the mind. Always in awe and always trying to know more about yet another enigma.

Urs truly.

Childhood lost!

Precocious! I heard myself say every time I had an encounter with my little cousin. Children have fascinated me in their own special way. But, off late am facing a certain degree of skepticism when approaching those above the age of seven.

I have found myself enjoying so much with children because of the single reason that I tend to relive my childhood every time I spend time with them. Am glad that I have had quite a splendid time as a child with most of my whims taken care of. Interestingly, I am being pampered at this age, more than I can ever remember. Thanks to my friends and well-wishers. :)

It is quite natural to have one’s mom or dad pet the child. In the nuclear families it is but the only thing to do. Parents completely devote their entire attention and energies toward the single child or max a couple of them. Seems a pretty decent proposition. But then, how often do we see children throwing a tantrum and parents acquiesce it? Quite often is my observation. I wouldn’t comment upon the ways of parenting, as I lack experience. What I cannot fathom is that how is it in the interest of the child to give into every whim? That’s quite exactly the case with my little cousin. She is an intelligent and well behaved child, but then the excessive doesn’t gel with it.

Owing to remarkable technological changes, children today seem to be quite knowledgeable about a number of things. Saying this might sound a cliché on my part, but I had another cousin of mine, eight years my junior, support the same. The cause for concern is that these children in their quest to grow up faster are missing some of the best years of their lives. The innocence which is the essence of childhood is lost. No more can one marvel at their thoughts, if all the while it seems so very precocious.

Some day, I hope to have children of my own and can only hope I am not an excessively indulgent parent and that they preserve the essence of childhood for the time they should.

Which mythical character do I represent?

And The Phoenix's cycle had reached zenith,

so he consumed himself in fire.

He emerged from his own ashes,

to be forever immortal.

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl (Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum (Egyptian).The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life, the number 0, and the element of fire.His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined individual. You tend to keep your sense of optimism, even through tough times and have a positive outlook on most situations. You have a way of looking at going through life as a journey that you can constantly learn from. Phoenixes are the best friends to have because they cheer people up easily.

Now, this post is for some who know me. Am I a Phoenix :) ?

Tech blogs.

The last three days have been devoted into extensive blogging :-). Well this time around been prowling the technical blogs. Frankly admitting, I was intimidated by some of the articles I read. Here I am, trying to decipher the basics and these people write a technical blog! Can’t stand this and have a need to understand the underlying concept. So started reading the blog of one of the senior DBA and a self-professed Oracle geek. Really, enjoyed the way he wrote and actually enjoyed the way he presented the various concepts.

Back in school, I realized that only if one has a good teacher for a particular subject can one really relish that subject. Automatically, one can delve deep into the subject and think of many things just beyond the realm of w hat is part of the curriculum. A genuine interest can be aroused among any, even for a subject that might seem as dreary as history. Well thanks to Sister Leela, I enjoyed it. Thanks mam!

So coming back this techies blog, I like the lucidity and clarity with which he presents some of the most involved concepts. The use of simple and clear day to day examples (some might seem stupid, at times) helps the reader in effectively understanding the underlying concept. An art I must say. Presumably, this might come in with years of experience and hard-work.

All in all, I have been lapping up most of the articles that have been presented so far.

How do I love thee?

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,

When feeling out of sight for the ends of Being and ideal Grace,

I love thee to everyday's most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise;

I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs,

and with my childhood's faith,

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints-

I love thee with my breadth, smiles, tears of all my life! -

And if God chooses,

I shall but love thee better after Death.

-Elizabeth B.Browning

(Sonnets from the Portugese)

Class

Ambition is what drives many people. My next question would be, where? Am not sure if it always helps to be like this. Rather, is every individual who is a possessor of this raving ambition having the capacity to handle his/her life? Not just in terms of achieving that final goal, but how do they try and get through that major part of journey called life? These questions have plagued me for a while now and after having just finished Eric Segal’s The Class, I think I can safely assume I kind of understand these characters.

Daniel Rossi, Theodore Lambros, George Keller, Jason Gillbert and Andrew Elliot are the central characters of this lovely book. A gifted pianist, a dedicated academician, a shrewd public servant or a zealous patriot and a gifted diarist, each character has been etched carefully. My favourite being Jason Gillbert. I would call him Mr.Perfect. I think I have known one Jason, have to see if this young man really is one. Coming to Rossi, he somehow seems as though I have known a person like him for a while now. So very passionate and so driven. Lambrose and Keller are new facets of Rossi and Gillbert but never as good as them. Andrew Elliot, the preppie was a much essential character to bind the raging ones. He would remain the simplest of all them.
The Class of 58 has somehow left an indelible mark upon me and this blog is not a book review, but a bookmark to remind me of Segal’s best described characters.

If one wants to know as to why Jason Gillbert is Mr.Perfect or what makes these men so tantalizing, then its time to read The Class.

Fairy Tale.

I think there is at least one song to describe a person’s feeling at any given time. I suppose as homo-sapiens we are predictable and the traits are found to be repetitive.
Here I have listed the lyrics of some such songs that are seemingly improbable and are still likable.


Have You Ever Loved A Woman

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N’ give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
That she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
That it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
Til ya know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman
You tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
That you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really
-Really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
That she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
That it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
Really, really, ever loved a woman?
Just tell me have you ever really,
Really, really, ever loved a woman?

-- Bryan Adams
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Smooth

Man It's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
I hear you whisper and the words Melt everyone
But you stay so cool My munequita, My spanish harlem Mona Lisa
Your My reason for reason
The step in my groove Pre-Chorus: And if you said
This life ain't good enough
I would give My world to lift you up
I could change my life
To better suit your mood
Because your so smooth yeah Chorus: And It's just like the ocean Under the moon
Well it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kinda loving that can be so smooth
Yeah! Give me your heart
Make it real Or else forget about it I'll tell you one thing
If you would leave it'd be a crying shame
In every breath and every word I hear your name calling me out
I'm from the Barrio You hear my rhythm on the radio
You hear the turning of the words so soft and slow
It's turning you, Round.. and Round Pre-Chorus: And if you said
This life ain't good enough
I would give My world to lift you up
I could change my life
To better suit your mood
Because your so smooth yeah Chorus: And It's just like the ocean Under the moon
Well it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kinda loving that can be so smooth
Yeah Give me your heart
Make it real Or else forget about it

--Santana.


-------------------------------------------------------------------
Aaj Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo

Aaj jaane ki zid na karo (3)
Yunhi pehloo mein baithe raho (2)
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Haay mar jaayenge, hum to lut jaayenge
Aisi baatein kiya na karo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo (2)
Haay mar jaayenge, hum to lut jaayenge
Aisi baatein kiya na karo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo

Tum hi socho zara, kyun na roke tumhe
Jaan jaati hai jab uth ke jaate ho tum (2)
Tumko apni qasam jaan-e-jaan
Baat itni meri maan lo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Yunhi pehloo mein baithe raho (2)
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Haay mar jaayenge, hum to lut jaayenge
Aisi baatein kiya na karo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo

Waqt ki qaid mein zindagi hai magar (2)
Chand ghadiyan yehi hain jo aazad hain (2)
Inko khokar mere jaan-e-jaan
Umr bhar na taraste raho
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Haay mar jaayenge, hum to lut jaayenge
Aisi baatein kiya na karo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo

Kitna maasoom rangeen hai yeh sama
Husn aur ishq ki aaj mein raaj hai (2)
Kal ki kisko khabar jaan-e-jaan
Rok lo aaj ki raat ko
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Yunhi pehloo mein baithe raho (2)
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
Haay mar jaayenge, hum to lut jaayenge
Aisi baatein kiya na karo
Aaj jaane ki zid na karo
-- Farida Khanum



There was a time when I believed in them rather wanted to. They seemed probable even in reality... maybe with the right person. That hope now remains a mere fantasy.
Well, as long as something makes me happy, why not I continue to enjoy it?

Believable or not, these listings are still lovable.

To end it, I chanced upon these lines quite by chance. Beautiful!

“ ‘There are those that say that the most beautiful thing on the dark earth is a multitude of horsemen’ ”
“ ‘Others say it is an armada of ships.’ ”
“ ‘But I say it is the one you love.’ ”
--Sappho, Fragment 16

My experiment with words continues. There are in fact so many things that form a part of the written etiquette that have to be followed for effective written communication. Am not sure if all my blogs adhere to those, but then it is better late than never.

In this journey of words and their structure, MS Word forms an effective tool. One can’t completely rely on it, but it does help correcting many sentence constructions. Writing arbitrarily on something or everything seems to be the only thing that’s going on in my head these days. That brings me to the idea of a muse. It seems to me that my best efforts are the ones I probably write in my mind. I know that it sounds laughable, but then I seemed to be struck with the Kubla Khan effect, even without the poet’s maladies. The best of ideas seem to be pouring when the lights are off and am about to hit the sack… reflecting upon the day or the days gone past. Hmm… so I guess night lenses seem absolutely essential. Somehow all this seems to be too much of an investment towards my writings. But then, if some of my friends want to see me filling my blog on a regular basis… I think this is now becoming a must. ;-) What say people? Cannot say I have many people visiting my blog very often, but the few who do mean a lot to me.

The harsh realities of this world sadden me at times. Some of the most accomplished writers seem not to know how to criticize a written piece. It is not enough to just point the negative aspect of the piece. It is a must to point the positive aspects if one has decided to comment. I think every piece of art will have something to praise upon. How can these ‘experienced writers’ forget this basic fact? Yes, I did get some comments upon some of my scribbles. I knew there were abundantly many reasons to have written the piece much better but I also knew it was not bad. Critical comments are most welcome. In fact I love them very much. But what I came across was something far crummier. It is sad to even mention it that I refrain from blogging it.

But then, it’s me and I’ll Reclaim my life !!!

Taj!

Many years back, as a kid I was interested in history I pestered my folks to take me on a tour of forts and monuments close to Delhi. This is one subject that is considered to be the dreariest of the lot, but as I am myself, I always loved reading about people and their ways of their era. This fascination for the buildings erected by kings during their times finally made my trip possible. The most fascinating one has been The Taj.

Before leaving Doon it was imperative according to me to visit this dream in marble. Indeed, there have been a numerous ways to express the beauty of this enchanting monument, but I still hold the view that the feeling that one experiences when one sees it for the first time from the entrance is better left unsaid. One has to see it to feel it.
If at the age of 11 Taj can have such an indelible influence then what happens to those who see it at a more matured age? The experience can be termed as profound and serene. It is probably this reason why the colour white is the symbol of peace.

Having chanced upon a rare picture of The Taj, I thought it deserved a place in my blog.
I hope each individual makes it possible to experience this at least once in her/his lifetime.

Roses

There are very few things in nature that probably do not intrigue me or mesmerise me.
The mere sight of these beautiful flowers makes me happy.

It is a choice to have them or keep them away for the fear of the thorns. I wonder how many actually have the time to enjoy something as simple and sublime as this...

June 16th , 200……..

How many people plan their day in a meticulous manner? Is it really that important to do it in every aspect of life?
The workings of an individual depend on the environment. At times it can be called exposure and sometimes experience. But what actually matters is the individual’s preparation for the task and its effective execution.
Ergonomics is a vital science. Over the years I have seen numerous examples when things have not been proper and reasons can be attributed partly to this.

There have been so many people that I have met in the past two years …. all so vivid and with their own set of idiosyncrasies. Cannot possibly fathom what goes on behind the façade, but over time I can at the least know what they expect out of me.
Some of them who are seemingly close, expect a bit more. I always have my doubts if they realize my quandaries. But one thing makes me happy that every individual has her/his own set of hesitations. May be it’s this uncertainty that makes life interesting.
Its from these people, who make my life so interesting that I have learnt a lot.

Two years ago, on the same day, I had embarked on a completely different journey. I started working. It was not a big achievement, but then it was not something that can be eschewed. Back then, I thought I had planned out things and knew how would the coming months fare. I can now say that nothing I had planned worked the way I wanted. :-)
Some brought in abundant happiness in my life then and some seemed to cause intolerable pain. A year flew past, and I realized that there were many changes that had happened. It took me quite a while to come to terms with reality. Apparently the transient nature of life has evened out the ebbs and tides.

Now, there is a stark difference in me that I like. Planning has a completely new perspective and over time priorities have altered. To re-discover oneself might sound like cliché to some, but I have enjoyed it so far.

Rishton ki dagar hai mushkil...

Its very hot nowadays in Hyd, but then its Hyd. I still love this place. Iss shahar main rishton ko kayyam rakhna, kabhi kabhi mushkil lagta hai....
Sister's enagagement was followed by all the fanfare and fun that's so usual at these occasions. But, it did get me thinking into those myriad nuances involved in a marriage.

Listening to Shubha Mudgal, had to quote this....

"rishta jo jisme dooriyaan ho, saans aaye jaye,
tera bhi apna bhi geet ho, woh bhi koi geet gaye,
khud ko mitana na chahe, tujhko badalna na chahe,
jaisa bhi hai tu tujhko vaise hi jo apnaye...."

I find this stanza so very apt. So very important, that I wonder if I'll find someone who respects such a belief..... and moreover .... is mine.

"piyu bole, piya bole... kya yeh bole jaanu naa...
jiya dole, hole hole... kyun yeh dole jaanu naa... "

Just as the summer breeze plays a truant with my hair, it fills me with a mischief I cannot express. The odd summer showers remind me of the freedom I had as a child in Doon. They were the days when I did not even understand the importance of these things. I grew up unaware of the simplicity of the nature that made such a profound impression. Some expressions are best left unsaid, its just an experience, the moment.

Life is not the breaths we take, its the number of moments that take our breath away......

Closet

Coming back home after a while, I had to arrange my clothes back into my closet. Living out of a suitcase is something I detest. I enjoy simple luxuries and this is one such. For the first time I realised how very intimate is one's closet. There are clothes one would never want to leave because they are sooo comfy or have proven to be lucky. And also some for which I have always said... Yes! I will reduce and fit into them. Never happened though :-( . Still I am not the sorts to loose hope ;-) . On the other hand there are clothes that I absolutely hate and keep them for some reason I cannot fathom.
Among the ones that remain my favorite there are some which have great sentimental value. Its because someone gave it or suggested or thought that it looks fabulous on me.
Offlate picking up clothes for all and deciding what would suit them... I realised that the clothes reflect so much of the individual's personality. And yesterday while deciding combis for Dad, I proved it yet again that I can make a double knot tie. Was mightily pleased with myself for having done it after a gap of eight years.
I have always worn them as per my mood and convenience. Its only when one loves to wear someting that one carry with that required panache.

Potpourri

Elder men have occupied my fancy and interest for some time now. There is definitely something about the manner in which they carry or the positions they are in that makes them so to say ”much desired for”. Watched Rock for the nth time and couldn’t help admiring the Sean Connery’s persona. I have always maintained that Bond is just one and that’s him. In retrospect I realize that I have had this fascination for elder men for a long time now. It goes back to the days when as a child I had my hearts set on Amitabh Bachan and I can see that this adoration has only increased with time.

Over the weekend I was in Mumbai. Had a truly wonderful time there. The sunset at Chowpati , the sizzler sundae in New Yorkers, the IIT campus and the late night rather all night chatters, had a helluva time. The place seems to have a life of its own. The local trains and the ever busy people accompanied by the sultry weather, all in all it makes for a refreshing change from my schedule. Moreover it was nice to meet those people with whom I cannot define my relationship or the reason that binds us together.
As always was thrilled to meet the one person who never fails to impress me and definitely makes into the list I mentioned above. He is among the very few ‘elder’ men whom I get to meet. The other person who equally was the reason for my visit is a long time friend. This time we both did have time to ponder as to what actually keeps us together. We were both pretty much at loss to determine that. Nevertheless we were together. Its an irony, that not all good relationships require one to be caring, loving and nice, because am none to her and she is perfectly aware of all this. Yet we are bonded. All in all we never miss on the fun and never once an opportunity to put one down. Its as though we are ready with our swords drawn and ready for attack. I would say this is a classic case of opposites attract.

There have been so many instances in the past few weeks since the last post, when I wanted to post something. But all the while it was when I was traveling or just about to crash or times when I had no means to capture those expressions. I hope I have been able to capture most of those ruminations.

Quake

At work today, I was bored of redesigning some more reports. Strolled over to my colleague’s desk and were extolling the merits of being an integral part of this project. I thought that the table vibrated because of my colleague’s joke, but then saw people moving out. Thought it was one of those routine fire drills that no one takes too seriously and deduced that our fire alarm was not working. Well, it turned out to be an earth quake measuring 5.1 on the Richter scale. As the epi-center was Koyna, many of us hardly realized it.

Have read innumerable forwards that keep telling one to be happy, live your life to the fullest or live every moment and all, one hardly realizes the intended meaning… till the time comes when circumstances in life suddenly jolt us back to reality. This life is short and has an end. We tend to forget that while bothering about the day to day needs, running after the next high rung position or acquiring some more wealth for our comfort. The bigger picture is lost. What is the point depriving oneself of all those simple things that make one happy and saying that I’ll enjoy them later?
With a history of having experienced two major quakes and a flood in a place like Hyd (which was mostly unlikely), I think its time I stop procrastinating and taking up things that really matter to me without further ado ... b'coz anything can happen just anywhere
:-)
Retro speak: I think I have the inherent ability to make my presence felt. ;-) I know what all of you have gotta say, about this statement.

People

The people around me are many... one need not comment upon this, but the the myriad personality types is what intrigues me the most. I have come across some of the best and worst in this short span that I have been on this planet.
To start with some of the worst... these are people who validate the saying "Empty pitcher makes more noise" time and again. These people are typical nosey, do not do any work, but keep "supervising" the others. I might sound very harsh, but I hate the lot who expect everything doing nothing. Such elements have kept me at my harshest best all through the last few weeks. Couldn't help mesmerised at the cheap tricks they resort to :-) .

But, on the other hand I have soo many others who make my life worth by their mere presence. Many a times now, I cannot help but being smug at the number of such people. They have been with me through all my ups and downs and are ready to help me whenever I need them. Each of them are highly talented individuals and I continue to remain in awe of all of them . It so happened that two of them decided to shine with their brilliance at the same time.
One of them has put up a superb article in his blog. I must admit that at no point while I was reading, felt that this was just a post. It had the lucidity of expression coupled with facts and observations that made the article what it is. Hoping he will not mind me adding the link to the same....
http://sarvamekam.blogspot.com/2005/03/advertising-adversity_03.html
I am sure whoever visits this will not be wasting their time. :-)

My acquaintance with this spirited lady has made me take a number of things in a much different perspective. I love her exuberance and her spontaneity. This characteristic is reflected in all her actions and more so in her literary works. One such lovely example is here....

" baat kucch khaas hai, warna dil kyun udaas hai...

kyun aankon mein jalan, dil mein ek kashish hai pyaas hai
kyun nahi kahin chain kyun chubhta hua sa yeh ehsaas hai
kyun yaad aatey hai woh saare pal kyun dil ko aaj bhi teri talab teri talash hai
kyun nahi milta pyar ka sabab kyun iss dil ko khushi se aitraaz hai
nahi hai inn sab sawaloon ke koi jawab bus itna saa abhaas hai.. ki baat wakai kucch khaas hai. "

Agar kisi ek mukhde ka koi itna sundar antara likh sakta hai, to woh zarror meri yeh dost Archana hi ho sakti hai.

Thanks for allowing me to make this piece a part of my blog.

The last week....

It has been very hectic. I was musing about my steady mood all through the ups and downs. Finally it has hit. Itni khush kaisi hoon?
As a matter of fact, nothing that I have wanted have I got without any strings. Whenever I wanted something, someone had an objection with it. At times attributed to their possessive behaviour or call it anything. Funny indeed. Am I to be happy for their concern or otherwise. Just drives home the point how important is “space” for an individual.
There has been yet another thing that has been soo prevalent. The duplicity of behaviour and the way people bitch. Even if one does not participate, one invariably is dragged into it. Just feel as though a part of myself is lost…

Considered this pathetic mood and thought that I need to get out of it. Max duration being half a day.... I am back to being myself. Ask me what was the remedy...well..well

Rafi...his Mellifluous music is enough to make me going..infact running again. Just listening to his "Abhi na jao chod ke ke" makes me smile at the beauty of lyrics the wonderful way in which the scene was shot. Simply superb! One of my all time favorites.

Reads...

Every time I happen to read a beautifully described write up it makes me happy beyond words. I just want to go and tell every other person ….or rather people whom I think can appreciate it also. Couple of such passages are here for all.
“.. Her emblazoned fault was to be too pronounced in her objections, and not sufficiently overt in her likings. We learn that it is not the rays which bodies absorb, but those which reject, that give them the colours they are known by; and in the same way people are specialized by their likes and antagonisms, whilst their goodwill is looked upon as no attribute at all.” Hardy has described Bathesheba’s personality with remarkable charm and elegance.

In yet another instance, “…He had reached the time of life at which ‘young’ is ceasing to be the prefix of ‘man’ in speaking of one. He was at the brightest period of masculine growth, for his intellect and his emotions were clearly separated: he had passed the time during which the influence of youth indiscriminately mingles them in the character of impulse, and he had not arrived at the stage wherein they become united again, in the character of prejudice, by the influence of a wife and family. In short he was twenty-eight and a bachelor.”
Hardy has told the age of this man. One may ask what was the necessity to put it like this, but the writer has taken into account the influence of the circumstances and experiences that shape an individual. Its not just the age but a whole plethora of connected instances that make the person what he is at that age. Every age is different and a novel experience. We mostly tend to see the fact that how did such and such individual behave in a particular manner that was not agreeable to us, may be if can understand from the person’s perspective, as to what made him/react like that…what was it in the past which triggered this… we will not behave in the same manner.It would then be a more amicable world…. but then I guess am tending to be more Utopic. So long I’ll be how I want to be :-)

Enigma

Its been a real long time since I came here. I just didn't want to, somehow do not want to explain it either. How I wish everyhting was understood without talking.
"kabhi kabhi pata chalta hai ki shabd kitne mehetvapoorn hai...ya shayad kitne bebas..."
There is always this one feeling or desire to know more about what that person is thinking. Having known that I cannot really say I am happy, but then its nice to take it subjectively. I never knew some facets of those people soo close to me. Its nice to be privy to this persona...what all happens in that mind part from the playful banter and that repartee. Its as though I am knowing a new person. Yet, there are few who are soo very predictable. I wonder how two men in my life are in fact so different and yet are so similar. Having known both of them so intimately, I was quite surprised that I couldn't see this facet of the two. Behind all that they are their crux is same.
I love it the most when the core remains untouched by the happenings, yet the covering changes. There is that required space given and yet that intimacy.

Simple things that matter

Coming back from a hectic day at work, I can either curse that my building so far from the gate else I have the choice of admiring the brilliance of the setting sun. Playing a hide and seek with the clouds it casts it golden aura on the evening sky. At this time of the year, the shades of orange are really superb. One can stay transfixed with the changes that occur by the minute. Every minute presents a different hue, that no possible palette can capture.
This makes me realise that the best things in life that can make me happy are least expensive. A rose garden, an innocent smile of a child..these are the things that make me happy and keep me happy too. An expensive pair of sunglasses gives me the momentary happiness, but entails with it the burden of extreme care. It leaves me with no peace of mind untill it is safely put back in its case. How can I possibly derive my happiness out of such trappings?

Why do I possibly trouble myself by watching movies that seem so impractical. It could be because I have always believed in it....all through and somewhere down I still believe in it. It might seem most impossible..I wouldn't rather say that... but just impractical.. but I want it. I know it may never come true, but still want it.
Can such a desire be termed stupid?
Well I suppose I will come to know.

Ma Bamma.

The end of the year 2004 saw the end of the last of my Grand parents. To me this may not make a very big difference but then there is some kind of unexplained gap. I have always yearned for a grand father. Whenever I hear people, from outside the family, talking about both maternal and paternal granpa’s I feel very good and just then there is this want to have been acquainted with such personalities.

Day before yesterday while I was loitering in the house I chanced upon her memoirs. She had summed up some of her life’s most cherished moments and some experiences that left an indelible mark upon her life. As long as I have known her she was a lady with perfect health and a person with no idea whatsoever of procrastination. I always believed she would live to be a Centurion and wanted my kids to know her. This crazy belief is what makes it hard for me to believe that she is no more.

She was a lady who had impeccable memory and this database am sure would put any fetching algorithm to shame. She had an admirable collection of sarees. The best part was that these included such unconventional and rare colours that every saree seems superb. It was not just the collection it was also the maintenance that was of a superior quality. She stuck to this regime till the end. An excellent cook and home maker. Her only regret being not been able to become a doc. But this interest was so great that she knew the human anatomy so well and its related diseases and drugs that she amazed those docs she went to :-).

The part where I connected with her was with books. She was an avid reader of both English and Telugu literature. We have had some very interesting conversations about Pearl .S. Buck , Tolstoy and many others. I do miss these. We did exchange some books and one of her favorite Anna Karenina was lent to me before she could read it for the second time. We all shared another thing in common… she was a major competitor for all the chocs that father and uncles got for us :-). Ice-cream parties were a common feature with her. She was a very flexible lady and something really admiring was her effortless ability to adjust in different places. I am sure its pretty tough to do that at the age of 70 and over, after having lived a whole life upon one’s terms. There was always a certain amount of stubbornness and control that she always had in her.

I wouldn’t like to call this an obituary. These are just some of the many things I have known about and probably shared with her. A memory I wouldn’t like it to fade.

SOS

I am despoly trying to get back my blog...I guess I was too enamoured with unravelling the features that has put me into this enigma...
I hope this post revives it ...

Managed to revive it. It pays to keep trying.... I have managed to beat my Infy Server :-)

Thanks God.

Dream

Dreams are always weird. Some are illogical and some frightening that I get up in the middle of the night with a major jolt. There have been dreams when I have laughed the whole day after that. Unfortunately, I hardly remember all my dreams :-( unlike my mom who has dreamt some of the most hilarious ones or my friend who said she has seen a movie and its sequel in her dreams. I guess how the continued version starts…. Just trying to imagine the start :-) . I can’t remember a whole dream completely and here are people with episodes…

Yesterday’s dream was totally illogical. Apparently, Bandy and I were supposedly on our way back home, in a city that I had never seen and this time in a tube train…that suddenly changed to a long hallway where we decided to eat. ( I must admit I never miss my meals ;-) I know many of you might wanna say lots about it..but chill !! ) Though Bandy had something I didn’t. We then decided to get going. Just then Bandy offered to take us through some kinda shortcut. This primarily included moving from one building to another. You might want to know whats so illogical, well we were moving across the roof tops :D. Bandy crossed one, claiming to be an expert and having done it many times… I was as usual being cautious, waiting for her to accomplish the crossing, successfully. Bandy then met a man on the other roof top. He was sitting there, I presume waiting. He cautioned us saying that the owner of this roof is a grumpy man who doesn’t like people crossing using his roof. Well just then this so called skyscraper.. or that I had imagined turned into the roof of independent houses. But the roof was all connected (I guess the way it was in Doon). Bandy managed to cross it but then she got worried. I was trying to comfort her and tried to show how easy it was. ( I hope u still remember it was a dream)
Just then I realized we were on the ground floor and had reached our destination. Isn’t that really quick…how I wish I could circumvent the daily traffic.. I don’t mind facing my acrophobia and getting home so fast.
We then were at somebody’s house. ( I am not sure if this was the place we wanted to go) I presume we were there on some kinda errand and got ourselves invited. I have never visited this house…believe me…only in my dreams. The family didn’t seem very pleased to have us there L. But then we had to do our duty. ( Pl no questions about what that was). We were asked to accompany for breakfast/lunch/snack (no idea). I guess we did eat something because we thought it was civil to wash our plates after we were done.
At the table, there were two little girls. One of them was asked to sing some nursery rhyme/song,( as usual is the course with the little souls..their parents always want to show what all their children learnt and also some kinda entertainment for guests) .The recital was duly corrected by her elder sis. Apparently, the hostess liked our behaviour. (I dunno for what…) She then told us about our common acquaintance. It was nice to get compliments for nothing.

That was the end of it. Well I frankly didn’t understand why did Bandy and I go to visit this weird family and possibly crossing roof tops J.
This entry definitely requires a mention of Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s Kubla Khan. I have always enjoyed the poem. Its fascinating to see how one’s brain works while dreaming.

Finally…

I had decided upon trying my luck… rather my folks … because 26th ka khana maine banaya tha. Well Div n I prepared the dinner. We had planned for pyaaz ki roti and Mughlai Cauliflower. I think our stars were bright.. we managed to do it well. Not bragging though, but my finicky coz is very particular about food and he approved with an A+. Both of us were too thrilled.
The applause did take a while to die down. That's why one should make oneself more rare I suppose..people tend to appreciate ur effort more ;-))

Will be trying it more often :-)

Another dimension...

Finished writing all the crazy entrances.... am sure I won't make it thru any of them...but then its ok. I have a relatively good life and right now am enjoying the ample..rather excess time I get at home. May be polishing my culinary skills would be more fun.
At work am being very busy. The very fact that I have come to work on a Saturday is the proof of it :-)
Procrastinating is one thing i have to get rid of. Am sure many of my well wishers would want me to do that. have been trying though and can only hope to improve :D
I guess its the result of the same that I have not yet posted any reviews of the books I have read. hmmmmm but gotta do something about it very soon.

New Year

New Year 2005 has arrived.
It seemed soo long a time when it'll be 2004 and now its over and am full blast into the new year.
Interesting scenario...so many things happening. My bday was not the same...it was after my last of my grand parents' demise. It kinda seems very sad when I realise that there are no more gran parents for me. But then its part n parcel of life.

Was reading my astrological predictions for the new year. It is marked ..rather smothered with romance...lets see how things turn out to be.

The capricornian trait of applying practicality to everything is something I am just unable to shed...whether its concerning my attitude towards someone who was in my life and now not there even when they can or otherwise....

The first week in office has been exremely hectic with loads of work to do. bahut kaam hai !!!!
But in a way am enjoying it all......

Will update about my bday n all in due course....luv u blog.