Things that matter

There are a number of things that matter a lot, but the pertinent question is do everything that we presume to matter really require so much of consideration.

My CAT exam was an utter disaster. I did not expect it to be that way. My view towards it and all were fine and was pretty confident. There is something amiss. Its very irritating to have this happen over and over again. I could have, probably done it better without preparing.

Well I did feel that I was prepared to face the consequences, but inspite of all that, the outcome has been most disheartening. I believed that I will make it this year.

I want to sound hopeful and optimistic, but its not making me feel better and however hard I choose to ignore it and react in a positive manner, am quite unable to do it.

There are times when everything seems so desolate. I know this is not the end of my world. I know this was not my final aim either. It was one of the many means to get where I want to. In spite of all these things being registered in my head...I presume my heart requires a while longer to be normal.

It has had to take a number of setbacks this year. There have been many memorable moments also...but all in all I have been through numerous situations, which were very novel to me.
This year has been the epitome of Change.

Quandaries

I have realized one thing that I have some capacity to adjust in any place. The year till date has been quite remarkably marked by a number of Quandaries. Yesterday, I was at yet another crossroad and at that point looking back I felt weighed heavily by what all that had been happening with me. Though the situation in question was not a real big issue but then the cumulative of everything was too much to take.

My ability to adjust has come to fore in this year and moreover to a great extent in the past four months. The levels of adaptability that I possess really marvel me at times :-)

Off late I have felt a certain surge of confidence within me. I am sure to make it to the B-school of my choice and ‘God forbid it’ that doesn’t happen I would be more than glad to pick up a profession of my choice. I may not even regret leaving my present occupation. Yes, this does sound very whacky and probably unconventional, but then I would want to do what I love the most.

Given anything I can’t stop being happy :-) and I guess can’t remain sad for long either.

The want to be in the B-school of my choice has been now become a thing I desire the most and I am going to be in one too.

Moving On..

It has been a while since I got the time and also bothered to make an entry.
The kind of composition I was about to make before I was about to sleep never matches the standard of my present or conscious effort of making an entry. Is this the reason why am I yearning for a laptop. But then, it can wait for a while longer. I need to consolidate a number of things prior to that.
‘Cakes n Ale’ does give a refreshing change of putting things and moreover the beautiful representation makes me happy. At present I have a feeling that my life is moving in phases. I come across things and not to forget some of the best experiences. These range from things to people. My latest ‘acquisitions’ if I might put it in a naughty fashion would include people I thought who do not exist in reality. I am glad this time I was wrong J . These people add so much value that I can never imagine. A small talk can actually revitalize and make me soooo happy that I can perform better.
It is at also these times I have people from my past…the one I would prefer to forget, at this stage, come and I am totally lost as to how to deal with these circumstances. I have never ever regretted having done anything, neither do I regret anything now. Its just that I do not wish to be disturbed by them at any time. I guess I have to come to terms with that, hopefully in due course I’ll be bale to.
My prep for CAT …well I wouldn’t call it good and I need to do certain things that’ll keep me focused. I sometimes wonder why do I attach any kind of importance to certain things in life. Does having the need to achieve them the only thing in life. Definitely not!
But then I want something and it is more then all-pervading feeling that makes me do certain things doggedly and have in toto no issues sacrificing anything for its sake.
If, I am to relate to myself to what I was a year back I seriously believe that I have grown tremendously. In terms of not weight ;-) but then in terms of matters concerning people. How to deal with all the myriad varieties I come across. My impatience has reduced .. I suppose but then the fiery spirit still remains that can just go guns blazing at anyone offensive enough. It is a feeling that maybe I must try keeping in control but then I feel its mere human to be so and I don’t wanna be perfect..not like this. I want to yell when I want to. Unfortunately, the number of times I am doing has reduced ;-) .

I am happy with my current status….overwhelmed by His generosity, but greedy…I wanna make it perfect. Off late I have been doing this a lot to some of my fav people….I know that..its fun…mere andar ka shaitaan aaj kal bahut excited rehta hai….
That’s the reason I am the best and want to prove it in terms of certain things that matter superficially. J

Blowng with the 'Current'

With a tryst with My Lord after a really long time...I am very happy
:-)
Its been one helluva week all the while last week and I had good fun. The fitness freak I meant to be, am on the path to become one. Am sure it has called for an unbelievable amount of encouragement and this time coming from myself, made me feel elated.

It made me realise that workout is a 'terribly horrbly appalingly awfully and unbearably good thing for my health' ;-)

I have started with things that I would never have done and now am doing them out of my own initiative. My only regret being that I have not yet finshed Atlas Shrugged....am on the verge of its completion. It has taken an unusually long time, and I wonder yet again that was it me all through from last June till May this year. May be not and I do not like the idea.

But having buried the past under the hatchet, now can move on....

"Penning"

I was wondering as to how important it is to Pen my thoughts.
Its a great need or requirement and enjoyment coupled with satisfaction. The shear enjoyment of reading something of great interest or to jot down my reflections actually lightens my heart.
It becomes an even greater challenge when I want to do it in a discriptive manner.
Any writer/poet while penning one's reflections has a great amount of history related. A whole bundle of ideas and thoughts that heve resulted in that work and to read it without realising this is brutal. The beauty of the work is lost if one does not put in their heart and soul into the read.

The reason behind my present writeup could possibly because of a general observation of people's attiude towards books.

Anything slightly involving a thought into the enigma called 'life' is immediately branded as philosophical. What could be philosophy then? I believe it is just a perspective of an individual's thought which when expounded comes to be called Philosophy.

At the end of the day, I love writing and it really helps me go through my previous ruminations.

It's time...

I was always wanting a change.
A change in the outer appearance and adding new likable facets to my personality.
But I have always want to keep my inner core values intact.
The wrapper must change to maintain novelty and drive away boredom...but the core should always maintain the ethics I have stood for.

It was yet another day of self-doubt when I suddenly realised that I need to get rid of this feeling. It has been with me too long now and I need to get rid of it.

"What would I do if I was not afraid ?"
I think I would do a number of things to my heart's content. I have been doing it but not in terms of things which desire a major revamp in terms of where it is required.
I will now do it ....surely.

I have started...and it's now time to do it.

Frustu me !!!

Well... I suddenly feel like running away from my work. It is interesting, but the monotonous work and absolutely no time left for my other activities makes me wonder how long will my patience last.
Yesterday, was one of the worst days.
My head was aching and a severe stomach problem and eyes burning...full blown...
I have lived it !!!!
So i think, today will also be fine.
I hope I will be able to make out time for much more.
Writing always make me feel great. Now am feeling much better.
Bought Somerset Maugham's Collection of Short Stories Vol.2...I love it !!!!